The Carnivore (ish) Chronicles

Operation 12% Body Fat: The Journey Begins

Hey there, fitness fam! 🤩 Ever find yourself stuck in a rut, feeling like a hamster on a wheel that’s going nowhere fast? Yeah, me too. That’s why I’ve embarked on a life-altering, gut-busting, and hopefully fat-melting journey I’m calling “Operation 12% Body Fat.” 🎯

Now, you might be wondering, “Why 12%? Why not 10% or 15%?” Great question, my inquisitive friend! The truth is, 12% is a bit arbitrary. It’s like picking a star in the sky and saying, “I’m gonna land there!” 🌟 But it’s not just about the number; it’s about the journey to get there. It’s about reestablishing my health, improving my mobility, and basically, becoming the best version of myself.

So, how am I planning to get there? Buckle up, because it’s a wild ride! 🎢 I’m diving mouth-first into the Carnivore Diet. Yep, it’s meats galore, baby! 🥩 But don’t worry, I’m not going full caveman. When I’m out with family and friends, I’ll eat off the menu because life’s too short to say no to Grandma’s apple pie. 🥧

And let’s not forget about exercise! I’m talking daily ankle mobility routines, Pilates, Yoga, and a whopping 10k steps a day. 🏃‍♂️ Oh, and did I mention I’m training for the Kielder Marathon in October? Yep, I’m going all in, bad ankle and all!

So, why am I doing all this? Simple. I want to be healthier, fitter, and let’s be honest, I wouldn’t mind looking good in a swimsuit. 🏊‍♂️ But most importantly, I want to prove that if I can do it, so can you!

Ready to join me on this epic quest? Trust me, it’s gonna be a rollercoaster of meats, sweats, and hopefully, lots of treats! 🎉 Who’s with me? 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️

Day 1: The Starting Line 🏁

Start Weight: 211 lbs
Current Weight: 211 lbs (Hey, it’s Day 1, alright?)
Start Body Fat: 30.8%
Current Body Fat: 30.8% (See above)

What I Ate: Aldi’s Italian Salami and Cheese Cold Meat Pack, 500g Greek Yogurt
What I Drank: 4 Coffees, 2 Sugar-Free Orange Tangos, 1.5L Water
Exercise: 1 Mile Dog Walk, 6 Mile Walk, 10 Mins Ankle Mobility, 10 Mins Pilates

Ah, Day 1! The day of infinite possibilities and zero regrets—yet. I kicked off my carnivore diet with a meaty feast that would make a lion jealous. Who needs veggies when you’ve got salami, right? 🦁

Day 2: Déjà Chew 🍖

What I Ate: Same as Day 1, because why mess with perfection?
What I Drank: Same liquid lineup as yesterday.
Exercise: 2 Mile Dog Walk, 5 Mile Walk, 10 Mins Ankle Mobility, 10 Mins Pilates

Day 2, or as I like to call it, “Day 1: The Sequel.” I stuck to the script, folks. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it—or eat it, in this case.

Day 3: The Chicken Dance 🐔

What I Ate: Beef Mince, Egg Yolks, Cheese, Greek Yogurt, Chicken Drumsticks
What I Drank: 4 Coffees, 1 Sugar-Free Orange Tango, 1.5L Water
Exercise: 2.5 Mile Dog Walk with Bambi and Luna, 5 Mile Solo Walk, 10 Mins Ankle Mobility, 10 Mins Pilates

Day 3 was a poultry affair. I had chicken drumsticks for dinner, and let me tell you, they were finger-lickin’ good. Bambi and Luna, my trusty canine companions, agreed. 🐾

Day 4: The Cheese Stands Alone 🧀

What I Ate: German Salami and Cheese Platter, Greek Yogurt
What I Drank: 4 Coffees, 1.5L Water
Exercise: 1 Mile Dog Walk in the AM, 4 Mile Family Walk in the PM, 10 Mins Ankle Mobility, 10 Mins Pilates

Cheese, glorious cheese! I went international with a German salami and cheese platter. Who needs Oktoberfest when you’ve got Meatfest at home?

Day 5: Wine Not? 🍷

What I Ate: Chicken Tenders, Pork Loin, Greek Yogurt
What I Drank: 4 Coffees, 1.5L Water, A Bottle of Red Wine
Exercise: 2 Mile Dog Walk

Day 5 was a bit of a hiccup. Bambi’s got a foot issue, so it’s garden strolls for her. But hey, a bottle of red wine counts as fruit, right?

Day 6: Family Feasting 🎉

What I Ate: Hot Beef Bap with Gravy and Chips
What I Drank: 4 Coffees, 1.5L Water, Diet Pepsi, Red Wine
Exercise: Pilates and Ankle Mobility

It was my Nana and Grandad’s 60th wedding anniversary! So, I took a culinary detour. A hot beef bap with gravy and chips? Yes, please!

Day 7: The Weigh-In 🎯

Current Weight: 209 lbs
Current Body Fat: 30.6%
What I Ate: Bacon and Pate, Pork Loin
What I Drank: 3 Coffees, 1.5L Water, Sugar-Free Tango, Red Wine
Exercise: 10 Mile Solo Walk

Results

Ah, Day 7—the grand finale, the last hurrah, the pièce de résistance of my first week on Operation 12% Body Fat! 🎉 Cue the drumroll, light the fireworks, and let’s get this party started because guess what? I’ve lost 2 pounds and shaved off a cool 0.2% body fat! 🎊

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Two pounds? That’s it?” But hold your horses, folks! Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a chiseled physique. 🏛️ These 2 pounds are like the first bricks in my empire of awesomeness. It’s a small step, but it’s a step in the right direction. And let’s not forget, this is just Week 1! Imagine where we’ll be in a month, or even a year! 🗓️

So, as we close the chapter on this inaugural week, let’s take a moment to celebrate the wins, no matter how small. 🥳 Because every pound lost, every ounce of fat burned, and every step taken is a victory in itself. And trust me, this is just the beginning. 🚀

Stay tuned, my friends, for Week 2 is on the horizon, and it promises to be jam-packed with more meaty escapades, cheesy one-liners, and yes, even more puns that you never asked for but secretly love. 🤣

So, who’s pumped for another week of Operation 12% Body Fat? Let’s keep this meat train rolling! 🚂 Who’s with me? 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️

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